Break free from food rules, perfectionism, and guilt—and reconnect with your internal wisdom
Have you ever caught yourself thinking:
- “I should eat this…”
- “I shouldn’t eat that…”
- “I should be better by now…”
That voice? It’s loud. Persistent. And for many people, it feels like the truth.
But what if that voice… isn’t actually you?
Welcome to the concept of being “should on.”
What Does It Mean to Be “Should On”?
Being “should on” means living under a constant stream of external rules, expectations, and pressures—and internalizing them so deeply that they start to sound like your own voice.
It becomes:
- “I should eat clean.”
- “I should have more willpower.”
- “I shouldn’t want this.”
Over time, these “shoulds” disconnect you from something essential:
Your internal wisdom.
You Weren’t Born Confused About Food
Let’s rewind.
As a baby:
- When you were hungry, you cried
- When you were full, you stopped eating
- When you didn’t like something, you spit it out
No calorie counting.
No food guilt.
No “starting over Monday.”
You trusted your body.
But somewhere along the way, that trust got replaced.
Not because you failed—but because you entered systems built on expectations, rules, and “shoulds” that were never designed around your unique needs. Think of the school system – built around a clock and rules. Think of the workforce, again rules and expectations – too busy to eat, skip lunch! And some of these rules become the norm and almost a badge of honour. You know that one where the busier you are, the less time to take care of you, the “cooler” you look. But at what cost?
What Is a Diet, Really?
Diet culture often disguises itself as “health,” “wellness,” or “lifestyle change.”
But according to Christy Harrison:
A diet is anything that intentionally restricts your food intake for the purpose of weight loss or changing your body.
That includes:
- Meal plans
- Food rules
- “Clean eating” guidelines
- Cutting out entire food groups
- Even “trying to be good”
So if you’ve been following rules in the name of health—but feel stuck, obsessed, or disconnected…
You’re not broken.
You’ve been dieting.
Why Diet Rules Don’t Work
Diet rules promise control.
But what they actually create is:
- Perfectionism
You feel like you have to get it exactly right.
One “off” choice? You’ve failed.
- Binary Thinking
Food becomes:
- Good vs. bad
- Clean vs. unhealthy
- On track vs. off track
There’s no middle ground. No nuance. No humanity.
- Shame
And this is where it gets deeper.
Brené Brown defines shame as:
“The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”
Read that again.
Because when food choices become moralized, it’s no longer about what you ate.
It becomes about who you are.
And that’s why diet rules don’t just fail—they harm.
The Trap of Healthism
Maybe you’ve already stepped away from dieting… but still feel stuck.
That’s often where healthism sneaks in.
It sounds like:
- “I just want to be healthier.”
- “I’m doing this for my health.”
Which seems reasonable—until “health” becomes:
- Rigid
- Moralized
- One-size-fits-all
Here’s the truth:
Health is not just the absence of disease.
A more expanded, meaningful definition of health includes:
- Physical well-being
- Mental and emotional stability
- Social connection
- Cultural context
- Access to resources
- A sense of safety and autonomy in your body
And most importantly:
Health must be defined by you.
Not by trends or Instagram reels.
Not by rules.
Not by someone else’s expectations.
So How Do You Stop Being “Should On”?
You don’t just stop.
You replace.
Because those “shoulds” filled a space—and now we need to rebuild something more supportive in its place.
Step 1: Build Awareness Through Mindful Eating
Before changing anything, you need awareness.
Mindful eating is the practice of paying attention to your nourishment and your body—on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment.
That last part matters most:
Without judgment.
This is why mindful eating is so powerful.
It creates:
- Curiosity instead of criticism
- Awareness instead of autopilot
- Space instead of shame
Step 2: Reconnect With Intuitive Eating
Building on awareness, intuitive eating helps you take it further.
Developed by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, intuitive eating is a framework that:
- Removes the diet mentality
- Rejects food rules
- Rebuilds trust with your body
- Honors hunger and fullness
- Supports both physical and emotional needs
It’s not about “eat whatever you want.”
It’s about:
Learning how to listen again.
Step 3: Ask Yourself—Who’s Talking?
Here’s your first piece of homework:
Pause when you hear a “should.”
And ask:
Who’s talking right now?
- Is it your body?
- Or a rule you learned?
- A diet you followed?
- A voice you internalized?
Because not all thoughts are truth.
Some are just old scripts that never got questioned.
Step 4: Rewrite Your “Shoulds”
It’s not enough to just stop negative thoughts.
You need to replace them.
Exercise:
- Draw a line down a page
- On the left: write your “stuck shoulds”
- On the right: reframe them, “Nourished Body Thoughts”
Examples:
Should:
“I should avoid carbs.”
Reframe:
“Carbohydrates give my body energy. I can choose what feels good and satisfying.”
Should:
“I shouldn’t eat after 7pm.”
Reframe:
“My body doesn’t follow a clock. I can eat when I’m hungry.”
Should:
“I need to be more disciplined.”
Reframe:
“I need to understand what my body actually needs.”
Now here’s the key:
Repeat these daily.
Not because you’re trying to convince yourself—but because you’re creating new neural pathways. Neural pathways are engrained connections in the brain created by repetition, or habits. Habits form behaviours which move from conscious/effort to unconscious/automatic.
Over time, they become:
- Automatic
- Natural
- Intuitive
This Is How You Reconnect
You don’t reconnect with your body through more rules.
You reconnect through:
- Awareness
- Curiosity
- Compassion
- Practice
You learn to:
- Listen instead of control
- Respond instead of restrict
- Trust instead of fear
Final Thoughts: You Were Never Meant to Live This Way
If you feel exhausted by food rules…
If your brain feels noisy around eating…
If you don’t trust yourself anymore…
It’s not because you’ve failed.
It’s because you’ve been “should on” for too long. Whether externally, internally or both.
And you don’t have to live that way anymore.
Your Next Step
Start small.
Listen.
Notice.
Get curious.
And if you need support integrating this into your life:
I would love to work with you. Let’s connect.
Because this isn’t about following another plan.
It’s about coming home to yourself.